It started with a missing door
Wegman’s – yes, the supermarket chain – recently opened a sushiya at their Manhattan store. It’s called Next Door, a curious name for a business that doesn’t even have a door.
Turns out you enter from inside Wegman’s, which I figured out five minutes after wandering down 4th avenue and along 8th street, desperately in search of a handle, a revolving door, something. The restaurant is filled with floor-to-ceiling windows, so my confusion was likely entertainment for the approximately 40 couples inside on first dates.
The concept is straightforward
Wegman’s has a seafood market downstairs called Sakanaya (I reviewed it here). You may have heard of it from the very juicy sushi lawsuit that gripped the nation/my DMs. Video on the issue is here, and on the resolution is here.
So some bright mind – likely some MBA who gets rock hard from the phrase ‘vertical integration’ – decided they would open a sushi restaurant upstairs. It’s not unprecedented; Wegman’s has a Next Door in Rochester, NY as well. Reviews are great, but with apologies to the good people of upstate New York, Rochester isn’t exactly Roppongi.
The counter inside Wegman’s
The menu is mostly sushi
I’ve included it below. There was a specific thing that caught my attention immediately, and not for the right reasons (if the bachelor has this phrase trademarked, please edit to the proper reasons. thank you).
The Menu
Find it? Here – let me make it easier.
I ask this politely: what on earth is this?
Yes, that is chirashi in the maki category. As you may know if you’ve spent a second reading this site, chirashi translates to scattered sushi. It usually looks like this.
MogMog in LIC
It is not a roll. That makes sense, because makizushi isn’t scattered – it’s organized.
So I ordered it for the same reason Hollow Man – the worst movie ever made – exists. Experimentation.
(By the way, the Director who made Hollow Man is also responsible for Starship Troopers, an all-time classic. Hard to hate).
Chirashi Maki live
Closer look
First of all, putting Ikura on top of the fat part of maki is insane. Ludicrous even. Yes, sometimes sushiya will put the ikura on top of the skinny part. A pseudo “dragon roll”.
Putting it on the fat part of the maki is like putting a marble on a fucking plate. The second I picked it up, these little balls of salmon babies went rolling all over the place.
Actually, they scattered.
Hmm…
Ikura was quickly everywhere
Then there’s what’s inside. The menu advertises Daikon, Shiso, Salmon, Tuna, Yellowtail and Avocado. But when it shows up, there’s two unadvertised party crashers: mayonaisse and butter lettuce.
Why is there butter lettuce in my maki
Again, I’ve had a lot of sushi in my day. I’ve heard customers say all sorts of shit at sushi restaurants. I still remember the guy at Sushi Noz who bragged about his dad’s AMEX points. But one phrase I’ve never heard uttered in any shape or form is “where’s the butter lettuce”.
As you might expect with a roll that has 10 ingredients, the poor chefs struggle to distribute them all evenly. The result is this dollop of mayo on one piece…
That white stuff on the lettuce is mayo.
And this last piece having all the tuna…
Only Tuna?
Do the Razzies give out sushi awards? Because I can’t recall a worse sushi dish in New York. Give this thing a razzie.
The second dish I ordered was the 9 piece nigiri variation ($69)
Nigiri Variation ($69)
This platter highlighted Wegman’s issues with rice prep (shocker). Cold, certainly not fresh. It was about 7:45pm (19:45 military time), and from my experience, that’s around when ill-prepared sushiya tend to struggle. Easy to nail the first batch when no customers are inside. Not an abnormal problem.
What set this particular dish apart was the two cuts of maguro (tuna), typically the highlights of the meal. One was presented as chu-toro, and one was presented as o-toro. I want you legends to guess which is which.
One is O Toro, one is Chu Toro. Guess
If you said the one with the little chip on top is O Toro, congratulations. Of course that leads to another question: why in the fuck are we putting little potato chips on o toro?! It does. not. need. anything. special.
Unless, of course, the quality is dogshit. Which brings me to point #2: the browning. That is, I believe, oxidization, which happens over time.
More angles
Look, aging fish is perfectly normal. Traditional, in fact. This wasn’t that. If you’re Wegman’s, and the entire point of this sushiya is ostensibly to link to your renowned sushi market downstairs, shouldn’t the o toro be a little better quality?
And if it was, why are you masking its flavor with a baby dorito?
Why was there a chip on this O Toro
The staff are excellent
Servers especially, just the nicest humans. It’s not their fault Wegman’s went down this road. It’s also probably not their fault that the Uni and Ikura are the size of micro machines (shout out micro machines).
Ikura for ants with yuzu zest apparently
Which brings me to the biggest mystery
I don’t understand why sushi restaurants insist on doing shit like this.
Remixes have their place. Tiesto’s Hide and Seek remix is the greatest electronic song of all time. But this is less that, more Flo rida butchering Levels. No one needs lettuce in maki, Ikura on top or a FUCKING CHIP ON TOP OF WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE O TORO.
This restaurant may endure. I lived in Astor Place. There’s somehow both everything and nothing to eat.
But this is a naked attempt to monetize a trend. And as Ian Malcolm said in Jurassic Park:
Not Recommended.